Do you know when to say “when”?

How do you know when it’s time to say “when”?

How do you know when it’s time to change direction or focus?

How do you recognize it’s time to relax or play or at least take your foot off the pedal?

We spend years beholden to schooling, then we are beholden to our job, then we are beholden to our child’s schedule (okay, that’s the way my pattern went – which may be different than you.)  But most of us spend a fair amount of our lives beholden to other people’s idea of what’s right, what’s wrong, what we “should” do, or “shouldn’t” do, or how we will spend our time.

I spent years toughing it out, pushing past the tiredness, “just doing it”… you know the drill.  Harder, faster, better.  Do it all, do it perfectly, and whatever you do, show no weakness!

This is how I made it through the CPA exam, this is how I made it through 60 – 80 hour work weeks for 12 years, this is how I made it through a birth at home, with no drugs, and this is how I made it through 3 1/2 years of a sweet baby girl who did not enjoy sleeping all night.  Some of it was pleasurable (like my birth experience and my daughter’s baby years), to be sure, but some of it was pure drudgery.  Had I been paying close tuned-in, some of it I may not have done at all (like 60 – 80 hour work weeks…)

Now, as an entrepreneur, it’s just me and my business.  My daughter thankfully sleeps through the night now.  No one is imposing impossible deadlines or asking me to burn the midnight oil or get up to nurse at 1am, 3am, and 5am…

That being said, I still find myself feeling enslaved to…. something.  In an odd state of busy for busy’s sake, it seems. It’s hard to break old patterns of habit, isn’t it? And it’s rare for me to think, “Wow, I’ve been sitting hunched over my computer for 3 hours.  It would be great to take a walk and do some yoga.”  Oh no.  That’s just not the way my mind works.  Maybe someday, but not yet.

Instead, there are clues left by my wiser self that it might be time to try something different or rest or go play with my daughter. I’ve found, time and again, that my body, and the habits I have relating to my body, are my best gauge for when I need to say “when”.

Seeing as I’m a yoga instructor AND a coach, it’s slightly embarrassing for me to admit how long it took me to figure this out (and I still stumble a fair amount of the time).

Here are some of the clues that I’m needing to take a break or change my focus.  Do any of these symptoms sound familiar?

• Fuzzy thinking, or, inability to come up with a coherent thought = time to veg out or practice yoga or nap.
• Not eating and/or overeating = time to meditate and figure out what is making me anxious.  My actions aren’t aligned with my intentions.
• Body aches, pain, illness, etc = time to rest and/or nourish your body (see above) and/or get outside and exercise.
• Doing the same thing over and over and getting the same results = time for a sabbatical.  Reevaluate.  Call your coach!!!

I ignore these symptoms, to my peril.  If I don’t change something, I find that my body will force the issue.

But then there’s flow.

I love being completely immersed in my work.  That feeling of flow is so sweet and perfect.  When I’m there, I get an amazing amount done and I’m in the zone.  It’s a good place to be.  And it works.  I have the pulse and rhythm of my life well in hand and there is harmony. I am grounded to the core of my being, I am at my best, I am laser-focused, and my actions are all perfectly aligned with my calling.  It’s a thing of beauty.  And it feels like there are endless hours in the day — I can’t fail my clients, my work is spot-on, I play with my family, I meditate, I practice yoga, meals are nourishing and time for friends magically opens up.

But invariably it ends – I’m falling out of flow, I’m not getting as much quality work done. But I start to push into it.  I expect flow.  Something isn’t right, but I ignore it.  I start to be “too busy”.  It doesn’t feel fluid anymore – it feels type-A and pushy.  And my body starts leaving me hints and clues. It’s time to say “when”.

Because we can’t maintain that level of forward momentum in perpetuity.

There is a rhythm to productivity and flow, just as there is a rhythm to the seasons.  Dormancy – is necessary to true, quality productivity.

By building these practices and habits into our lives, we can lengthen our times of flow and shorten our dormancy. Get to a point where we say “when” less often.

• Meditation: Call it what you will, attention training, stillness, whatever.  Spending time practicing the art of being present refreshes us, reduced stress, and teaches us to use the higher functioning parts of our brain more consistently and more efficiently.  (Note: Yoga, done right, can definitely be exchanged for a meditation practice.)  For lots and lots of fantastic information about the effects of meditation on the brain, David Rock is the man.

• Exercise:  Again, exercise reduces stress and keeps our bodies well-tuned.  Also, fascinating enough, runners in particular grow new neurons faster than non-exercisers.  The bottom-line is that voluntary, aerobic exercise helps us adapt more quickly and learn new skills faster.  Exactly what the entrepreneur ordered.

• Coaching: It may sound self-serving, but really, I don’t even care if it’s me — I just want everyone to experience the power of coaching.  Coaches keep us focused on our greater goals, keep our minds clear, provide an objective perspective on our hardest problems, keep us from bullshitting ourselves, and often have skills that we need to excel.  I will never, ever be without a coach again.  Never.

How do you know when to say “when”?

What are your surefire signs that it’s time for a change?

What practices keep you closer to that magic state of flow, for longer periods of time?

I’d love to hear about it.

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