Wabi Sabi Wednesday. On Thursday.

A ritual.

When we are overwhelmed with the demands on our time. When the house is dirty, there are errands to run, deadlines loom, and the kids are clamoring for attention.  When we feel our grip is slipping, we can take a moment to gently, little by little, shift our perspective on the imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete parts of our lives.

In Japanese tradition, wabi sabi is a concept typically applied to objects. Wabi sabi celebrates, paradoxically, the  imperfection in objects, as being innately perfect and beautiful.

It’s about shifting our perspective. Appreciating the chaos and unpredictability in our busy lives, which opens us to the creative possibilities available in each moment.  Even when the kids are sick, the laundry basket is overflowing, and the deadlines are pressing –  wabi sabi is waiting to provide relief.

Each week, on Wednesday, we make a little bit of space to step back and look at some part of our beautiful, crazy life that is making us, well, crazy.  We take a compassionate look at what is causing friction and how we might find the perfection and beauty in the middle of the mess.

On Embracing the Mess

Welcome to Wabi Sabi Wednesday.  On Thursday.

There are times in all of our lives when things just seem harder, more complicated, and more messy than usual.  This week has sort of been one of those weeks for me.  On vacation.  For Valentine’s Day.  And my wedding anniversary.  Really?  Really.  And honestly?  It was perfectly wabi sabi.

Crazy-making Mess

Nothing unusual happened.  In fact, everything was pretty normal.  Oh, of course, it snowed in Rome the day we left, rendering traffic even more of a mess than usual, Clara was still battling a stomach virus, and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to take some work-related calls because no one could tell me if there was phone and/or internet access at the hotel – but all in all, I was looking forward to our trip.

Then, we got there.  Everything was new and different – it felt very uncertain.  I got a little unhinged and I didn’t know what to expect, which, in theory, isn’t really a big deal at a resort in the mountains, right?  BUT, I didn’t know how we were going to divide and conquer our days with Clara, there was too much food (6 course meals for lunch and dinner), Clara was pushing my buttons, Erick was not acting how I wanted him to act, and all of a sudden, everything just seemed horrible.  Ruined.  There was just such a barrage of things that I was overreacting to, bringing me to tears, that I knew there was something in it, just for me.

I started writing

The simple act of writing down my racing, negative, thought-storm diffused the situation – allowing me step back and “watch” myself.  I wrote uncensored pages of thoughts that, had they not been incredibly sore, might have been enough to make me giggle.  Some of the thoughts were interesting – definitely worth exploring.

I remembered this was not the first time that the beginning of a trip had felt this way.

In fact, to some degree or another, every vacation, move, or change of scenery that is new seems to cause me more grief than it does for most people.  Not only does it cause me to suffer, but it causes a fair amount of grief for those I love most: Erick and Clara.

Awareness is the biggest step

Simply writing it down, noticing the pattern, and being aware dissolved the feelings almost entirely.  I was able to relax into the moment and enjoy the vacation once I embraced my intense desire to control everything.  This is the paradox of the stuck-ness in our lives.  When are denying our fundamental experience, the painful stuck continues.  And it’s our nature to deny, and move away from, pain.  The key is to sink into it, embrace it, and love it.

When I am in a relatively stable routine, I can almost appear as if I am not a major control freak.  Once I am outside of my comfort zone, my desire to control increases exponentially.  I know exactly where this comes from and I found myself being so grateful that I have a chance to loosen this up before we move again.

The Wabi Sabi

I find that the more willing I am to dive into my feelings and look at my thoughts, it leads me to crazy knots of belief that are almost as old as I am.  It is really clear that these beliefs and ways of being have served me really well over the years and, that certain elements of my control freak ways make me really good at certain things, like organizing business solutions and helping other coaches set up their businesses.  And I get to keep that.  But the part that is painful? Diving straight in provides incredible relief and endless opportunities to untangle the knots and let go of outdated ways of thinking.

We vacation a lot, and looking back, this always seems to happen.  By embracing it and leaning into it, other patterns and messages from a kind universe start to bubble up.  I can see that living in Rome has been the universe’s way of asking me to look at this, seeing as Rome is the western world’s answer to chaos and unpredictability.  Having a child that is getting older is also a lesson in lack of control, isn’t it?  And starting a business is also a lesson in doing what you love, the best you can, and not knowing what the outcome will be.  With great clarity, I see that feeling out of control (and resisting it) has driven my weight gain over the last year.

Life is a lesson in discernment: the only control we have is over our actions and thoughts.  The rest of it I may be able to influence, but the outcome belongs to something greater than me.   And that is just perfect wabi sabi.

Would you like to practice with me? I would love the company – simply leave a comment. You might also consider the Wabi Sabi Virtual Retreat, starting in March to learn new ways of bringing wabi sabi into your life.

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