Wabi Sabi Wednesday: Why wabi sabi is important

A ritual.

When we are overwhelmed with the demands on our time. When the house is dirty, there are errands to run, deadlines loom, and the kids are clamoring for attention.  When we feel our grip is slipping, we can take a moment to gently, little by little, shift our perspective on the imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete parts of our lives.

In Japanese tradition, wabi sabi is a concept typically applied to objects. Wabi sabi celebrates, paradoxically, the  imperfection in objects, as being innately perfect and beautiful.

It’s about shifting our perspective. Appreciating the chaos and unpredictability in our busy lives, which opens us to the creative possibilities available in each moment.  Even when the kids are sick, the laundry basket is overflowing, and the deadlines are pressing –  wabi sabi is waiting to provide relief.

Each week, on Wednesday, we make a little bit of space to step back and look at some part of our beautiful, crazy life that is making us, well, crazy.  We take a compassionate look at what is causing friction and how we might find the perfection and beauty in the middle of the mess.

This week, I want to share why wabi sabi is such a powerful practice.

(It’s going to be a long one…  you might want to get comfortable.)

Neuroscience and wabi sabi

At it’s essence, wabi sabi is a practice that allows us to step out of our narrative and mentally re-frame our experiences from negative to positive (or at least neutral), which helps us keep our limbic system (think fight or flight response) calm.  Why do we need to keep our limbic system happy? Because it is virtually impossibly to do anything but the habitual thing if we are experiencing any sort of stress-response.

Ultimately practicing wabi sabi is about re-wiring our brains and re-writing the stories we tell ourselves over and over, so that we can really enjoy our lives and make creative, positive choices in the critical moments.  This is the foundation of lasting and fundamental change.

I could just call it the proper words: labeling, reframing, narrative, but honestly, referring to it like that sounds clinical and dry and puckered and makes me want to kick a garbage can.  To me, wabi sabi sounds more fluid and human, but more important, it implies that the imperfection of  any given moment can be the springboard for our vast potential.

About those stories we tell ourselves

Isn’t it just the aggravating truth that the same patterns seem to repeat in our lives, over and over?  Different cast, same story-line. Before I met my amazing husband, I had some boyfriends. They were all very different – but my fundamental experience of suffering in each relationship was exactly the same until I had a shift in my understanding about my role in creating a happy me and a healthy relationship.

Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”  The uncomfortable truth is, we resist our experience.  And resistance keeps us tied to repeating patterns.  We resist for a number of reasons, but I think the main reason is our fear that if we accept the crap we don’t like about ourselves and our lives, it will never change.  But the exact opposite is true: only in full light, compassionate recognition, and acceptance of where we are right now, can we effect change.

This is the essence of wabi sabi. With awareness and acceptance of the perfection in the chaos, we have a choice to make a different kind of decision in attitude, reaction, or, action.  From this place, we can make decisions that support and nourish who we aspire to be.

Learning the lesson and moving into action

When we can lean into the wabi sabi of our life, it’s the ultimate act of kindness toward ourselves.  There is such a sense of space and room to breathe ~ resistance takes a LOT of energy, so letting go of it relieves some of the threat-reaction that limits our choices. And sometimes, the simple act of shining a light on the dark, cobwebby places we resist, changes them for the better, instantly.  The more we can look with curiosity and kindness at our reactions, our aversions, our anger… really, our suffering, in all it’s myriad manifestations, we will then have the choice to become the person we wish to be.

When we are comfortable where we are, it is easier to see how many options we have available in each moment.  We can make deliberate decisions that move us closer to who we aspire to be.  We can take action, in any direction we choose.  And inspired action is what leads us straight to more ease, happiness, and authentic success in all parts of our lives.

The bottom line is that wabi sabi isn’t just something to think about.  It’s a living, breathing, evolving practice to help you experience happiness and success in the most authentic and compassionate way possible.

If you want to practice with me on Wednesdays, I would love to have company.  You might also consider the Wabi Sabi Virtual Retreat, starting in March to learn new ways of bringing wabi sabi into your life.

If you enjoyed this post and it seems like your thing, you could also sign up for the Wabi Sabi (nearly) Weekly eZine for (nearly) weekly articles, updates, offers, and other stuff that has grabbed my attention.