A new ritual
When we are overwhelmed with the demands on our time. When the house is dirty, there are errands to run, deadlines loom, and the kids are clamoring for attention. When we feel our grip is slipping, we can take a moment to gently, little by little, shift our perspective on the imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete parts of our lives.
In Japanese tradition, wabi sabi is a concept typically applied to objects. Wabi sabi celebrates, paradoxically, the imperfection in objects, as being innately perfect and beautiful.
It’s about shifting our perspective. Appreciating the chaos and unpredictability in our busy lives, which opens us to the creative possibilities available in each moment. Even when the kids are sick, the laundry basket is overflowing, and the deadlines are pressing – wabi sabi is waiting to provide relief.
Each week, on Wednesday, we make a little bit of space to step back and look at some part of our beautiful, crazy life that is making us, well, crazy. We take a compassionate look at what is causing friction and how we might find the perfection and beauty in the middle of the mess.
Once we know what kind of imperfection, impermanence, or incompleteness we are working with, we can let wabi sabi begin to work it’s magic by calling on an older, wiser (yes, imaginary) part of ourselves.
“What would 80-year old me say about this?”
Our inner 80-year old typically offers us some space and relief, to look at the situation with a wider lens. With some distance and perspective, it is easier to see the beauty and perfection in the very situation that has us tied up in knots.
I hope you’ll join me. I’ll go first.
What needs some applied wabi sabi this week?
The imperfect facts
It sounds ridiculous, but none of my cute clothes fit. After 10 months of intense focus on the business with very little exercise, yes, well, I gained ten pounds. I’m speaking next week at the embassy and I have nothing to wear. No regrets about how I spent my energy last year, except my clothes don’t fit.
How it feels
Crappy. After all, I’m a coach, dammit! I’m not supposed to have these kinds of problems anymore, right? I don’t want to go anywhere until I’ve whittled myself back into my clothes – which could take months. I don’t want to be seen stuffed tightly into my clothes. People will know I’m not perfect. When I impose a perfection requirement on myself, it feels heavy and rigid and totally depressing – especially when I’m clearly not perfect and my imperfection is visible to others.
What would 80-year old me say about this?
My 80-year old self is 100% compassionate, but she is also sort of amused, in a very loving way, that I am so tense about this. Here’s what she had to say:
“10 pounds? Okay, you’ll exercise (you have already started running again and doesn’t that feel good?) and pay attention to when you are hungry and full. You’ve lost weight before and you’ll lose it again. If you buy a few cute pieces of clothes now, you can feel comfortable and confident while you get back to your cute clothes! But really, It’s not about gaining weight, is it? The uncomfortable part of this is your reaction - how you think others see you and how you want them to see you. Which is, in fact, something you can’t do a thing about.”
The beauty and perfection in this situation
With that wise perspective, I can definitely find a soft spot for myself. To acknowledge that I’m always striving to be and do my best – but I’m not perfect and I can’t do anything about what others think of me. I am doing what I want and need to do to feel good every day (exercise and fueling my body) without taking a rigid stance about specific results. And that feels really good.
I’m feeling a lot more comfortable with the situation – with myself. I can see that this is an opportunity to learn more about the artful balance between striving for my best and giving myself a break. This is perfect in all of it’s imperfect glory because it is teaching me more about the habits and ways of thinking that don’t make my life any easier (eg; what others think, unbending perfectionism). It’s a beautiful thing to feel good in my own skin, so I will buy clothes that are comfortable and look good on me right now so I’m not punishing myself every time I try to zip my jeans.
Would you like to join in Wabi Sabi Wednesday?
Does something in your life need a little wabi sabi this week? Leave a comment, or email me, and let’s support each other in finding wabi sabi.
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{ 4 comments }
What a wonderful concept – this is really helpful!
Thanks!!
Andy
Andy – so glad you like it. Let me know where you take it.
xx,
Nona
Nona, what a nicely articulated concept. Well, Japanese concepts fascinate me in general, and I have always felt there can be heaps of wisdom found in their rituals and ways of life. Thank you for sharing. I will try to shift in perspective. My goal is to get my early rising habit established once and for all but winter is bleak, cold and I get lazy (well relatively so). Wish me luck and best to you!!!
Hi Farnoosh – I’m also fascinated by Japanese concepts and the wisdom in their application! What does your 80-year old self have to say about your early morning rising?
Best to you, Farnoosh! Thanks for visiting…
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